ApoyaaTuVeterano.org

As I sit here typing, I can not help but wonder how many veterans are out there who have come back lost? It may seem like a stupid question to some, but for me it is important. It is important because it fills my whole being with sadness and grief. I, at this moment am grieving the loss of my friend. No, he has not taken his life, but he has taken mine. He has taken that part of me that was alive for him, because I have lost a friend. It is difficult when you know that you were close at once, that you could talk and at times not talk and just know that your presence was all that was needed, and now, I do not know him. I am just a civilian. I will never know what he has been thru. Yes, that is right, But my friend, YOU will never know what I, as a civilian have been thru. You will never know about the worrying, the days of watching the news, to make sure you were not the one who was killed protecting my freedom. You will never know the nights I spent praying for your safety. You will never know how much love was sent to you. You will never know my pain, just like I will never know yours. I will not know yours because you have taken the road that washes away because of the floods you have allowed to flow thru. You will never know how much love was sent because you choose to hide that which you do not need to hide. You have choosen to hide yourself. You have choosen to sit in a world of misery, shutting everyone out. Why? Is it because of fear, doubt? Is it about being uncertain? Is it because you think no one would understand? We may not have been thru the same experiences, but my friend we have been thru the same emotions. All your feelings of doubt, fear, loneliness, and those feelings that no one will understand are the same ones I am feeling. Do you not see? Can you see? Can I see? Will I ever see? Will you ever see?

Why is it that when our soldiers come home they are automatically seperated and at times made to feel different because of their job? You are human, a person. You hurt, you cry. You feel. Just like the civilians.

You come home and treat those that you love, and that love you with bitter words. You distance yourself because you think that is the best way to handle it. You drink till you can not stand on your own two feet, and by the grace of whatever god is out there you stumble back home. Why? Help me understand. Help me know that maybe what I am typing is wrong...and if it is not, help me understand. Help me undertand how to understand. Again, this post may seem like it is going nowhere to some, but for me it is going to the hearts of those who feel the same as I. Who feel the same as our veterans. Alone. Not knowing. Searching. Praying. Drinking till you can not drink anymore. Hoping that a sense of peace, calm and understanding will prevail. Not the anger, hostility, distance and just plain not knowing.

I believe that not all the veterans that come home become lost. But for now, I don't know what to think, because I am lost myself. Lost because I am just a civilian and will never understand. Little do you know that at times I have felt like a soldier. I have had to go thru my own battle fields trying to be there for you. A battle field you will never understand.

I admire those who protect my freedom. I am grateful for the sacrifices you have made. I just want to understand. I need to see post that reinforce the positive not the negative. I need to understand, just as much as you my veteran friend, need to understand. This site is for support. Where is the support?